Video calls can help children stay connected with relatives, but they also combine sound, faces, turn-taking and unpredictable questions on one bright screen. For some autistic and ADHD children, that is tiring rather than relaxing. Connection counts even when a child does not sit still, look at the camera or speak.
Make the call predictable
Put the call on a visual calendar and say who will appear, what may happen and when it will finish. Start with five minutes if that is manageable. A visible timer or a simple sequence — hello, show one thing, goodbye — makes the ending easier to trust.
Offer choices before joining: camera on or off, headphones or speaker, sitting or moving, talking or using chat/AAC. The child could wave, send an emoji, show a favourite object or listen nearby while playing. Do not treat eye contact, greetings or answering questions as the price of participation.
Give the call a shared focus
Open-ended questions such as “What did you do today?” can demand memory, language and social timing all at once. Try a small shared activity instead: read two pages, draw the same animal, compare toy cars, sing one familiar song or let the child demonstrate an interest. Tell relatives to pause after speaking and avoid rapid questioning.
Reduce background noise, notifications and screen brightness where possible. Use only one speaker at a time. The National Autistic Society advises reducing social stress and making turn-taking clearer. Its guidance on low-pressure communication also emphasises not pressuring a child to speak and accepting other communication methods.
Agree on an exit signal, then honour it. Relatives can say, “Thanks for being with me,” rather than “Why are you leaving?” Afterwards, notice which length, activity and settings worked. Our guides to communication processing and making time visible with a family calendar may help with future calls.
This is general information shared for parent awareness, not medical advice. Every child is different — please confirm decisions with your child’s doctor or a suitably qualified professional.